Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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