Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
