Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
