I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
