I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
