Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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