I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
