I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
