I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
