I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
