What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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