that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
