Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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