Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
