What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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