i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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