she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
