This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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