dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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