He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
