I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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