his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
