Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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