i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
