He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
