I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
