Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
