please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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