it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
