you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
