Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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