woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
