just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
