1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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