I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
