i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
