the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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