Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
