Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize