guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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