Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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