Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
