I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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