we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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