we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
