oh god the rape fog is back!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
