definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
