hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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