Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
