I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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