During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
