What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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