I think I am morally bankrupt
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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