im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
