i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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