Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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