arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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