she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
