You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
