so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So many bounce houses so little time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
