I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
