We need to rekindle our bromance
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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