: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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