You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
