She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
