I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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