this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
