i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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