This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize