There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We're too hungover to prance.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
