DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Someone signed my nipple.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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