I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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