I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
