News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
