I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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