Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
