I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
