if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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