I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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