Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
