I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize